Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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