Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
