Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
