So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We left the knife in your bed.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
