your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
