Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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