im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she looked like the before picture.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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