dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
