Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
