In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
