i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
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I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
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Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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