I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize