the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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