wakey wakey hands off snakey
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
