Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Drake has all the answers
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
