i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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