My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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