sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize