Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
