people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
