how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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