I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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