Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
