I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
