'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's shark week go big or go home
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
