the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
