clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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