i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
