the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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