i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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