I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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