i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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