I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
