i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
