How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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