When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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