I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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