we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Operation Purity has been aborted
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
