Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
