Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
