Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
