Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Two words: blizzard sex
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
