your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
