in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
