Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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