My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
