You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
