I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
