yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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