remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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