I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
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So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
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I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The adults are the big ones right?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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