idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
