Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
