Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
