I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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