Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
