xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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