My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
