dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
