he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
