We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
