i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize