I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
