I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
