I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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