do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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