I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
