We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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