How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
