Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style