So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
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Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
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yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK