...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
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I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
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nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.