honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
oh yeah. preciate
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve