So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE