I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
