He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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